Monday, May 12, 2014

I Have To Do What To The Fish?

So I'm sitting on the lake. It's my first time fishing and I'm not expecting to catch anything. I have no experience and I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. It's all good though. I'm enjoying myself and getting some good "sitting by the lake" practice in.

Oh crap...why is my rod bending and my line pulling away into the lake with a splash...Oh no. Please no! I didn't! I couldn't! Oh shoot...I've caught a fish...NOW WHAT!

Not exactly the reaction you would think someone who caught their first fish would have. I guess we need to examine this more thouroughly...

I'm a man!!! I'm 40!!!! Well not quite, but I am an adult. And I like to consider myself pretty manly. I do things like lift weights (pink ones), grill steaks (on a Foreman), start campfires (with firestarters, lighter fluid, and lighters), and kill spiders (by calling my mom for help). You could say I'm pretty much a shorter Paul Bunyon.

But here's the thing. Fish are grody! EWWWWWWWW~!!!!!!

So now here we are. Back in the present and I'm reeling in a fish. It's a bluegill, 7 inches. A MONSTER of a fish!

This giant slimy creature from hell is now hanging from my fishing pole and I don't know what to do. The poor guy is hanging by his mouth spinning round and round. Where will he stop? Nobody knows!  What happened next was this video...except she did better than me:

After screaming like a girl for a while and poking and prodding the fish, scared to touch it, I finally took a deep breath and handled & dehooked the fish. It was the worst, most awful, most terrible, thing in my life. Why did I get into this hobby? I want my mommy!

My hands were slimy. My shirt was covered in fish goo. My hands smelled like fish. And what did I have to show for it? A blurry photo of a tiny fish. Next time I'm going to wear gloves...and full body armor...

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